On Mother's day, when I walked outside, there was a family member who started talking about how glad she was that she lost weight as soon as she saw me. It stung deeper than I wanted to show. One thing I have found out is how judgemental people can be soley based on outward appearances. I have seen both sides. I have seen some of the praise associated with looking and performing well and I have seen the other side of the coin.
I have struggled with weight off and on since puberty, but after my first child
is when the huge weight battle begun. Never before had I even neared 200 pounds
and yet over the last 15 years I have rarely been under it. In fact now, I am
closer to the 300 mark than even the 200 mark.
I could go on and tell you
why this and that and make excuses for subconscious and conscious reasons. I plan on journaling through this endeavor and if you are reading it, you may begin to see and understand some of what is really lying beneath the surface of what you thought you knew and understood, but really didn't.
I have four children, two girls, two boys. Yesterday,
I brought two of my four chilren with me to a graduation of a very dear friend.
It really made my oldest daughter, who is 14, realize that when she starts highschool she wants it to be a brick and mortar school. We have done some homeschooling and online schooling for the past few years, but she really wants that "highschool" experience. I completely understand.
My concern lies in her self confidence. She is a
beautiful girl who has dealt with some hard things which has brought along with it some depression and weight issues. Some of it
compounded by mean kids, and some by adults whose intentions may have been good,
but their words very harsh and cutting.
I too understand this battle, as
I mentioned before about what happened on Mother's Day to me. When I was pregnant with my oldest
daughter, someone I knew, who was a pastor at the time, pulled me aside and
told me how important it was that I lost weight after the baby so that my
husband's eyes wouldn't go elsewhere. He went on to tell about his own struggle
with pornography for a short period of time. My mother in law was right there
as he said that. He was very appologetic to her and his intentions were very
good. A young 20 year old girl hearing this, without much of life's experience,
took it as a bit of an insult and omen of sorts.
When my oldest daughter was 5. There were some family members who came to visit. The kids were super excited to see them.
What happened when they entered the door? Did they come and hug on the kids and
tell them how much they loved and missed them and were happy to see them? Nope. One of them went over and patted on my daughter's stomache and said, "It looks like
someone needs to do some situps." That started a whole line of experiences that
makes my daughter not want to be around them. That same trip out to visit us,
I was confronted about how
my daughter and I reminded them of people they knew. The mother was morbidly obese and how her
daughter was following suit because she wanted to be just like momma. He went
on to tell me that is what he feared was happening with me and my oldest baby.
OUCH. It hurt. Once again, I believe he had good intentions, but them being
expressed were very painful to hear.
Teenage years can be hard, so together, she and I are going to embark on a mission to helping her with
her self esteem. I believe alot of her fears and anxieties about being in a
group and her lower self esteem are directly related to weight issues. If we
can remedy that before she goes to school, I think things may be a little
better, so she and I are doing this together and our goal is to accomplish a significant and today is the first day... still
in the planning stages.... but it has been established that this is our goal for
the summer.
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